Those who know me will tell you that I am very opinionated, out-spoken, and “real”. If you ask me about myself, I would probably give you generic answers like I’m married, I have a daughter, and I love writing. Both of those would be true. In creating this blog, I had to really dig deep into myself to understand who I was and who I wanted the world to know me as.
In 8th Grade, I attended DeRenne Middle School in Savannah, GA and my English teacher was Ms. Patterson. If I didn’t remember anything else from her class, I remembered this quote: “I am not defined by what you call me, I am defined by what I answer to.” In the fifteen years since leaving her classroom, I still don’t know where she got the quote. But, that quote stuck with me all of this time for a reason.
Why? Because I was afraid of defining who I was, I let people put labels on me. But, now I am twenty-eight years old and tired of the labels. I am choosing to be the unapologetic and authentic version of Chaquita. As we embark on this journey into intentionality and forward progress, I want to address the fear I am feeling right now. I want to live my life fearlessly. Today, I am writing a “goodbye letter” to fear.
Hello Fear,
I guess it was bound to happen when we had to face each other. I never thought it would take this long. If it had not been for you, I would have pursued every dream I had in my younger years. When I was younger, I loved to write and my writing introduced me to people that I probably would never meet. While I loved writing, I also loved to sing. But, the fear of people judging my voice caused me to stop. As I focused on the writing, coming second place in a competition and having that feeling that I wasn’t good enough caused me to take an extended hiatus. Writing music was my love, writing short stories was my happiness, and writing poetry was my life. But, you took that away.
Fear, you robbed me of some great opportunities and ever better experiences. Its disheartening that you have controlled my life so many years. Now that I see your true colors, I want you to know that I am ready for the head on confrontation. I am the toughest cookie there is when it comes to overcoming adversity.
Today, I choose to be brave. I choose to bold. I choose to be beautiful despite every insecurity. I choose to be vocal, even when my voice shakes. I choose to read, learn, and teach. I choose to write. I choose to create. I choose to stand up to those who have oppressed me. I choose to be intentional; I chose to live by choice, not chance. I choose to make changes to everything within my power that ails me, not to make excuses as to why they are beyond my control. I choose to be useful, and not used as some would like. I choose to excel in all areas of my life, and not compete to do so. In spite of my past, I choose self-esteem over self-pity. Above all, I choose to grow into the woman I promised my Grandmother I would be.
I have an obligation to fulfill my life’s purpose, so you can longer occupy space here.Signed, Chaquita Smith-Reeves
April 16, 2019