Marriage is amazing. But, as we move into our ninth year of marriage, I am looking back at what marriage has become. In the world of elaborate ceremonies, creative hashtags, and a never-ending list of couples deemed “relationship goals”, the concept of marriage has become increasingly difficult to discuss.
As I look back on our wedding day, I am thankful for the support system two broke college students had when they decided to get married. My husband and I literally paid for our rings, shoes, jewelry, our cupcakes, and a few sentimental items for our ceremony. Our families basically “threw us a wedding”.
Because we didn’t focus much on the particulars of our wedding, we had a lot of time to focus on the marriage. We were counseled by our amazing pastors (an experience that I am truly thankful for). Through the counseling sessions, we learned more about each other, our “roles”, and what we could expect when we officially tied the knot.
However, we quickly learned that marriage is a commitment that required two individuals to adopt a spirit of submission. Before you exit stage left, this is not a “women submit yourselves unto your husbands” post. This is a both of you need to submit to Christ before you can fully love and honor each other in holy matrimony post.
Maybe we should blame the creators of social media who provided platforms that added societal pressure to impress other people because viral proposals, over the top photoshoots, and extravagant ceremonies has become the new normal. Couples have become consumed with the hype of marriage: the part people see. Our modern marriages are filled with photo opportunities during every date night, constant posts on each other’s walls (Sorry, that one was for us. We did that.), Mr. & Mrs. t-shirts and glasses, and my personal favorite the weekly Man Crush Monday and Woman Crush Wednesday.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the occasional public display of affection and to let the world know that I am married. But, not to the point where I am doing so in an attempt to convince myself that I am content, happy, and thriving in a healthy relationship. Social media and the martial hype that surrounds it makes it harder for millennial men and women to have content marriages. The focus is more on the external persona (vacations, expensive gifts, and picture-perfect moments).
In 2019, our Spiritual parents, Pastors Charles & Yolanda Roberson entrusted our church’s married and engaged couples with us. On two separate occasions, my husband and I were able to talk to couples about marriage and most recently, able to conduct a session on the role laughter should play. While we had a session, other sessions included the importance of dating, money management, communication, patience and controlling your tongue. These sessions challenged couples to consider their marriages.
With over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it may be challenging to take my word for it when I say that marriage is a ministry and should be treated as a sacred union, even in 2020. But, it really is. I am a married millennial. I am a Christian. I still believe in God-ordained marriages.
The heart of marriage is everything that happens behind closed doors. The heart of every marriage should include faith, love, selflessness, respect, an ability to adjust, and an ability to communicate effectively. Most importantly, one of the core traits a married person should have is an ability to understand that as life happens, people will change and that as a married individual you must be capable of making adjustments as well.
So, I ask. What is at the core of your marriage or relationship?